F**K IT!

In the last couple of years I read a bunch of spiritual books. Some I’d start reading and close them after the first 20 pages, and some I’d read in one day. Some authors are neat for me to read, some exaust me in the beginning so I nicely say my goodbye till’ some maybe future hello. When you multiply and devide everything, all spiritual books have the same point.
What you put out, you get back, it’s all in the head, meditate, afirmate, visualize… one author even reccomends waking up at 5 in the morning, emidiately workout or run.
That’s all great… makes sense. I tried everything except this early wake up call and running… maybe in some other life. Basically all of this works… really works, I swear…
When as soon as I wake up in the morning I put myself on the right frequency of happiness or at least of good mood, my day really is brilliant. Kids aren’t all over me, get all A’s, husband sings around the house, lunch I love is waiting for me on the kitchen table, birds are flapping their little wings… you get it…

BUT what happens when you wake up annoyed and don’t even know what for??? When you’re crazy and don’t know why.

Yesterday that morbid morning happened to me. I’m laying in bed and talking to myself. Do I wake up or just cover my head with a blanket and pretend I’m dead? Aha… but I need to put food in Josip’s bag for school. I need to clean the house because I say two crumpets on the floor. I need to iron my blouse because I have some boring meeting in the agency… and that’s how my thoughts fly…
Somehow I crawl out of bed like a worm, get to the kitchen, make black coffee so strong that the spoon is just standing up because that’s how my Bosnian grandma taught me. I take my digital heat-meter and think: „must be my blood presure, let’s see”. I see the digital numbers so low, but that’s my normal being, so it’s not that producing hopelessness in my head. I’m coming in the room to wake up my 9 year old and faking a high pitched cute voice, because the kid doesn’t need to know that his mom is a little crazy today. I kiss him, get him to school, wave cheerfully from the window. I stay alone and think what kind of day is coming my way if I’m like this? Then I remember the book “Fuck it” – John C. Parkin.

Remembering how much I laughed while reading it, I cried of laughter. Tears were dripping on to my blanket under my glasses. I remember that even my husband asked if I’m alright. That kind of lifter from a book you should carry with you like The Bible. I open my laptop and search on Google something more to remind me of the philosophy. And I find it and remember everything.

I remember I used it when Hana was going through a phase… and it worked…
I used it even when I had no money, after half an hour called the apartment seller saying he’s giving me a raise. I remember I used it before summer when I realised my celulite from a year ago is more visible than last summer. And surely I used it when my mom came to tell me my bath is full of scale and explained to me the easiest way to clean it while showering…
It worked in every one of the mentioned exmples. Immaculately!!!
„If you say fuck it, you free your automatic worry for something. When you say fuck it you let yourself float the flow of life, stopping doing what you do not want, you stop listening to others and start listening to yourself.
To say fuck it points a spiritual rank, because you pull your hands up away from the problem, you get back in the natural flow of life.
If you say fuck it, you stop worrying generally.
Say fuck it to something, anything. Feel the freedom and ease which comes from that rank”.
That’s how I went through the day yesterday.
In the morning our boarder called me to tell me that he won’t move in after all…I thought…fuck it…
Buyers who were supposed to buy an apartment I was selling, said they need more time…well of course…fuck it…
Like a cherry on top, in the evening Hana told me she wants to transfer from a gymnasium to an art school…instead of freaking out…I told myself…fuck it…I just hope you’re happy… In the end the day turned out comepletely ok…with the fuck it spiritual philosophy…
When I came in the library and came up to the librarian scared to tell him which book I wanted, tried to whisper, so people don’t hear…
He just casually and loudly exclaimed: „Well say it like that lady! I think on the shelf I have one more FUCK IT!!!”
No one in the library did not even blink…
Obviously they already read that book and they just do not give a shit…

Tatijana Livajić

Komentiraj

Popunite niže tražene podatke ili kliknite na neku od ikona za prijavu:

WordPress.com Logo

Ovaj komentar pišete koristeći vaš WordPress.com račun. Odjava /  Izmijeni )

Google photo

Ovaj komentar pišete koristeći vaš Google račun. Odjava /  Izmijeni )

Twitter picture

Ovaj komentar pišete koristeći vaš Twitter račun. Odjava /  Izmijeni )

Facebook slika

Ovaj komentar pišete koristeći vaš Facebook račun. Odjava /  Izmijeni )

Spajanje na %s